Matt Lauer Aligns Himself with a Misogynistic Narcissist on National Television

Watching Matt Lauer's relentless attack of Christie Brinkley's character as a mother this morning on the “Today” show was a painful reminder that true journalism in America has gone by the way side and been replaced by men who falsely make claims to be journalists.

In an effort to research Mr. Lauers journalistic accolades I instead found a dossier filled with photographs of him romping around with his abs exposed rather than finding any empirically researched stories of depth, accuracy and integrity.

Christie Brinkley was surreptitiously invited to “The Today Show” under the guise of discussing her role in “Chicago” which is currently playing on Broadway. Brinkley has been reluctant to hold any press junkets to promote her role in the show due to the unrelenting smear campaign her former husband, Peter Cook, has been lobbing against her for months now, calling her an “ego-centric narcissist”. Yes, ego-centric narcissist is a redundant term, perhaps someone should send Peter Cook a memo. To that regard “projecting” is a hallmark of a Sociopathic Narcissist. Malignant Narcissists will both overtly and covertly smear the one who dared leave them. The ego of a narcissist is so grand that they can not bear to be abandoned, therefore, they go on the offensive with a preemptive strike in an attempt to bring down their former lover. They project their view of self onto those they loath, ergo, referring to Ms. Brinkley as the Narcissist, when if fact, it is he who has a formal, court ordered diagnosis by a Forensic Psychiatrist, of Malignant Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Matt Lauer seems to have either forgotten the role of a journalist includes researching his subject, by searching beneath all the layers and interviewing professionals that may aid him with his presentation and interview of his subject or he never learned the core tenets of quality journalism. Instead, he launched into an assault against Ms. Brinkley's judgment as a mother. He asked her five times “What about the impact on the children?” As Ms. Brinkley tried to explain, Lauer interrupted her a total of eight times, never allowing her to finish a sentence or explain the symptoms of Malignant Narcissistic Personality Disorder. If he had allowed her to finish her statements and explain the symptomology of MNPD, Mr. Lauer's question about the children would have been answered. Mr. Cook's MNPD is the impediment to bringing this long standing battle to fruition not Ms. Brinkley's character as a human being and a mother.

By luring Ms. Brinkley on the show to discuss her role in “Chicago” while he had an entirely other agenda in hand, Matt Lauer violated and egregiously so, a trust between himself and Ms. Brinkley and himself and his audience. Today's interview between Matt Lauer and Christie Brinkley was poor journalism at best and misogynistic narcissism at its worst!
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He Knows You Must Never Be Heard From Again ~ Hence The Preemptive Strike

Do you really want to avenge your Sociopath?!


All you need is this one answer …
 Read this thoroughly. By the time you reach the end, you will hopefully realize that “avenge” is the worst thing you can do … don’t even consider it.  Your best option can be summed-up very briefly — leave town.

If anyone else encourages you to take on the sociopath, supporting you by saying you can do it — distance yourself from him or her, too.  Don’t argue, just distance. The risk you’d be incurring is far beyond whatever solace you think you’d gain.  

You do not want to know how evil and vindictive a sociopath can get if you present yourself as a risk to them.  It will begin faster than you can back down. Whether they are family, or close friends you’ve had your entire life … they have no limits, whatsoever.  Nothing will keep them from using anything at their disposal.

They know many ways to destroy you — ways that would prove unimaginable. And there’s just one way for you to find out — go ahead and take them on.  It will be the biggest regret of your lifetime.

By then, you’ll begin to believe you never knew this person, because as a sociopath, you never did — it was only their persona. Trust me on this: your life will never be the same. If you are indeed dealing with a sociopath, you must place your loved ones as the top priority for their safety and welfare, as well as your own.

If you decide not to believe me or anyone else who’s experienced what it’s like to be targeted, you should have a safe haven in place that the sociopath has no clues to its location and will completely lose you. Then, leave town.

Please, listen to us, read the comments written by the site’s visitors, those who have been victimized. They’ve been through it all, as I have. Take it from those of us who have wished someone could have warned us like we are trying to warn you — keep walking, and do not look back.

And NEVER EVER  go back.

---

If you are like the majority, you can not believe what you just read; and hence, you seriously doubt the legitimacy of it. We were no different. I’ve included two additional scenarios.

I do hope, for your sake, that one will succeed where the others didn’t. I’m certainly not writing this for my health.

---

Scenario #1

To begin this virtual encounter, let’s make you invincible and intimidating —that will make it super tough for you to lose, right?  

WRONG: It’ll give you absolutely no advantage …
but please play along, OK?  

At six-foot-five, you were the all-star linebacker right up through college … no one in their right mind messed with you. So why on earth would you just stand by and allow this petite little “lady” to take manipulate you, use you, and endlessly lie to you. You don’t see any of it, do you?!

Don’t you see the RED FLAGS? You’re being played a fool, and my gut tells me she’s not playing any innocent courting game with you, either. I’ve seen her when you haven’t, my friend, and that tiny little gal scares me. I see two different people in that body, and they don’t seem to know each other. That’s how she’s got you suckered. Wake up, man! Get your head out of those clouds, or you’ll never get it back the same … never.

Those who know how evil a malicious sociopath can be, are usually the ones who have already been wounded for life. Don’t allow others to think for you. Face value is no-value. Never drop your guard. The most successful sociopaths have mastered their skills, blend into the party as the most likable people around, and are there for a specific purpose. Whatever it is, they’ll accomplish it.

Have you determined you’re in a place that you need to get out of?

Be very careful …

---

Avenge Analysis A

1 Do you have an escape plan in the works?

2 Have you considered all the possible ramifications? Like these? …

3 Have you considered you will be facing someone who has nolimitations in how they plan to completely destroy you? That the harder you try to take them down, the harder you, yourself, will fall? Can you imagine someone who will let nothing get in their way … not one thing, and all without a hint of remorse?

4 Will there be a trial, such as a divorce? Do you believe you’ll have an advantage because you carry all the truth and you’ll be in a court room? To them, taking the stand under oath is simply showtime. They know how to manipulate the court system, and that’s one of their most efficient weapons against you.

They believe they have nothing to lose, because, so far, they’ve never lost. You are just another in a long line of victims that will be used for as long as you offer value, and then be discarded. If they think you may be a threat someday, based on what you learned, they won’t let you go without destroying you first.

This is how they run their lives every day. What they can do to you is beyond anything you’ve ever considered. Just remember that this person is saving their most evil attack for you when you least expect it.

5 The sooner you realize what you are truly up against, the better chance you’ll have to avoid the evil they are ready to tear you down with. And if the threat comes from someone you had once considered a close friend, a family member, or an ex-lover (married or not) … don’t expect favors because of those connections … just the opposite.

From my experience, there’s a good chance those connections will play against you. The sooner you realize that it was all a malicious farce, it was entirely faked, and that you never really knew the person other than what they acted out for you … the sooner you accept that true reality, that’s when you will see your fate.

You didn’t know this, but you were always expendable and disposable. Their daily lives are spent focused on controlling you and others. As soon as you skip all the other exercises above and focus on your escape plan, you’ll have the best chance to avoid the shocking evil that this vile individual has prepared to unload upon you.

You cannot allow it to begin, or it will never stop. You must be pro-active now. If you believe that your situation could turn violent, or already has, your number ONE responsibility is YOU. Keep you and your loved ones safe. That may mean you will need to move away … be prepared.

6 So, first-things-first — have you completed your escape strategy?
 

---

Avenge Analysis B

Do you still believe the danger is over-blown?

If after reading the above scenario, you are still not convinced of the danger posed by a harmless-looking sociopath, the following may add some credence. Below is a much more candid and extreme scenario, though still a very realistic possibility of the victim’s risks. The contributing factors would include the sociopath’s own instability, his history of unknown illegal and immoral activities, and how the sociopath sees you within his own risk comfort level.

Just ask yourself if you’d want to risk pissing off someone who is void of any feelings, someone who has never experienced even the slightest sense of remorse, regret or shame for the extremely malicious, and sometimes violent attacks he has unleashed upon others. Whether his fears about you can be justified, or are completely fueled by paranoia, it’s all the same to him. He now considers you the biggest risk to his future; hence, you just became #1 on his “to-do” list.

Do you really want to go there?

No matter who you are, how powerful you are, what profession you’re in, how smart you think you are, how many friends you have, no matter what you think or what anyone tells you, the odds are entirely against your success.

A sociopath has no limits, whatsoever. Additionally, this sociopath has an enormous amount of fabricated deception and bad deeds to protect from his history. You know virtually nothing about what else he’s done. Yet, your own risk level is directly proportionate to the other bad deeds he’s perpetrated — so you do not even have a hint as to what your risk level is.  Does “drive by” take on a different meaning here?

What he knows all too well, yet you don’t have a clue of, is his own history of bad deeds. Getting your vindication would be the same as he being completely exposed as a sociopath … he’ll never let that happen; he can’t let it happen if he wants to live freely.

Obviously, exposure would not be anything this sociopath would easily accept. Chances are, you would have been reported missing some time ago, and your sociopath would be on to other projects. His public persona is gold to him. He must make sure it stays in place, and keeps that shine.

You have become a real threat to his warped sanctity.

If he gets clued-in that you’re planning something, he will not wait to go on the defensive. He knows what is at risk — something you don’t — and he’ll begin with, what I call, offensive-revenge.

Your success would lead to destroying his life, and potentially incarceration. Depending on what would be revealed about his past, such as white-collar crimes, he would have everything to lose. So there’s another thing he knows quite well, but you don’t have a clue — the gravity of his past deeds.

What would happen to him if you were successful in your vindication and exposure?  If guilty of white-collar crimes, he could theoretically be sentenced to multiple prison terms, essentially making it a life sentence, similar to how Bernard Madoff will finish the rest of his life. That nice little old man, Bernie Madoff, was able to convince investors — from elderly widows, to large international investment firms — to hand over huge amounts of investment capital, to the tune of US$50,000,000,000.00 (fifty billion dollars) to one little old man, who spent it freely on a lavish lifestyle with his wife. He’d party with those he stole from. He never showed remorse.

Do not take this lightly.

You will be risking emotional suicide, if not more. There is nothing I can give you as a comparison, because there is truly nothing that even comes close to the utter determination of success, the elimination of any obstacles, his maliciously-evil drive for offensive-revenge, his complete lack of any feelings as to how he will destroy you, what he will do to accomplish it, and how it will leave you.
 

When looking at your sociopath, all you see is another person. What you will never see is that person’s history. Their history is like a hostility throttle. Depending on what they’ve gotten away with in the past determines how they will respond to an attempted exposure now.

---

No matter who you are, how powerful you are, what profession you’re in, how smart you think you are, how many friends you think you have … no matter what you think you’ve got that no one else has, try to understand the risk is too high to expose, or take on a sociopath or psychopath.

Try to accept that your best chance of maintaining your quality of life is to forget it and move on. The odds are entirely against you.*

It’s what you don’t know.

This sociopath used you, and your innocent actions resulted in someone losing something (the who and what are not important here). It was by complete chance that you discovered the sham. The sociopath is currently unaware that you know.

You don’t want to see it happen to anyone else. From your good, honest upbringing, you want to expose this guy and make him pay for damages, so as to make sure he won’t do it again.

You believe in accountibility.

Very admirable.

Your sociopath first recognized his outwardly differences from most other people about 30 years ago. He’s intelligent, keenly attentive, shrewd, cunning, and manipulative. His experience has raised him to a level that woud be considered a master at what he does.

And what he does is only to benefit himself at the cost of others. Without the normal feelings of remorse and guilt, or any other typical human emotion, he has always slept well at night. What he did to you is a regular, almost daily offensive deed in this guy’s life. It’s considered small stuff. Some of his disciples actually help him with the small stuff. One can say that the small stuff pays the utilities.

The Other Stuff.

But only your sociopath, himself, knows about the other stuff … the other stuff is actully the large stuff. He maintains complete control because of the risks. The large stuff falls under corporate white-collar crime. The large stuff is criminal.

What the sociopath knows extremely well are the details of the large stuff and the legal gravity they represent.

You are only aware of the one little thing he used you for, and that’s what you want him to pay for.

The sociopath has long known that getting busted for all those unsolved crimes would just about guarantee incarceration for the rest of his life.

What level of risk did you just move yourself into?

In the eyes of the sociopath, getting your vindication could very easily result in his full exposure, meaning that the Law would be provided enough evidence to match your sociopath up to an unknown number of unsolved crimes. He’ll never let that happen; if he wants to live freely, he can’t let it happen.

He knows he must act fast, with something I call “offensive-revenge.” He does not know if you will act, but out of paranoia, he assumes you will. He’s never looked at a risk like this before, but as he learned long ago, whatever needs to get done, simply needs to get done. That’s all the justification required.

He knows you must never be heard from again. (countryofliars.com)

Amazon.com: Life in the Aftermath of a Narcissist: Personal emotions on the roller coaster with a Narcissist/psychopath (Volume 2) (9781470106553): Ms. Becky Joyce Ruff Reed: Books

Amazon.com: Life in the Aftermath of a Narcissist: Personal emotions on the roller coaster with a Narcissist/psychopath (Volume 2) (9781470106553): Ms. Becky Joyce Ruff Reed: Books:

"As a sequel to Romance Stew and my quest for chivalric love, adventure, and intimacy, I found this time with a narcissist and his entire clan of takers to be a dark and harrowing trek through the bowels of the Twilight Zone. My marriage opened into an alien landscape - the wife of a man who later presented as bipolar, the perfectionist step-father, his invalid mother with the diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome and just perhaps a manipulator of emotional incest, and a bipolar/alcoholic adult son who brought the baggage of his forever present mother and her drunken and drugged-out sister into the mix. I was ill prepared in my enthusiastic dash for one final chance to have love with all-thetrimmings to face such frighteningly foreign attitudes and failed miserably to ascertain the reality of these people before saying "I do." I was blindsided by the close dynamics and tight allegiances of the quicksand into which I naively was drawn,leaving me drowning in never-ending demands and overwhelming presences. Where Had I lost myself? I was no wide-eyed teenager. Was I really codependent and unable to be a functioning individual? Letting all my financial holdings be liquidated, always with the promise of "we have the rest of our lives to make this up," and refusing to live in a camper on the folks' property to be at the mother's beck and call, I was left out-in-the-cold when I refused the final pressuring to sell my tiny house. The world of narcissism/psychopathy left me exhausted and terrified - there was no empathy for me as a being. I was only a tool to be used. All the emotions that popped on stage with pretense of sincere caring and connectedness were simply character devices. I had been so bombarded with a perpetual stream of demands, lack of sleep, gas lighting, tests to prove my worth as a wife and for the clan, and almost round-the-clock inundation into their belief systems of using others and the general assemblage of living, I suffered a type of relationship Stockholm Syndrome. When my utilization purposes ended, I was cut from the clan as coldly and precisely as if it were a surgical procedure. I was no longer valuable to these people. It was a long journey back to find myself. The strange morals of the group always left me feeling out-of-focus. There are many of us survivors and we are taking steps to reclaim our lives. I knew Cinderella would still have to clean the castle and that the Prince would be away on exciting travels. I had sought the fairy tale and although aware, knowledgeable, and eager for a new adventure, found myself lost in a panic-filled fun house of mirrors and fog."

The Other Woman

It won't happen to you. He'll be different with you.

You two have a "connection," a rapport that he didn't have with his ex. You have more things in common, similar personalities. He's pointed out all the ways that you two are so alike - it's just uncanny. You are so lucky to have met him at this point in your life. He says that he really appreciates you for who you are - and he's the first person to really do that, isn't he? Sure, he said the same things to *her* when he got together with her (and then grew to hate so many things about her), but it's different with you. He couldn't possibly be operating from scripts anymore. And it's so nice to finally have someone YOU can lean on, isn't it? It's hard being on your own, building a career, managing a household, and doing it all yourself. All of a sudden, here's this guy offering to help in ways that no one ever did. Knowing all the things you have been longing for and wanting in a partner. He couldn't possibly be hooking into your heart-felt desires and hurt places and pretending to be the answer, because he knows that's where you are vulnerable. He couldn't be pretending to like the things you like, and want the things you want, and be the person you have been looking for, because it's part of his patterns. Just because he did that with the women that came before you, doesn't mean he's doing that with you. He's really sincere this time.

He's told you all his deep dark secrets (at least, all the ones he thinks can win him sympathy and attention). He's acknowledged how he behaved badly in the past (even though it was brought out by who he was with). You two must have a very special connection for him to be so open and "honest". And he seems to be remorseful, so that must mean he won't do that kind of thing again, right? Not with you. You're special. So what if he told his ex the same kinds of deep, dark secrets, opened up in the same way? So what if he exhibited the same kind of remorse for things he did to partners before HER? So what if he told her all the same sob stories and pretended to be working on his shit with her? So what if he lied to his therapist and others? He really means it this time, with you.

He says things are going to be different with YOU. Even though he SAYS he accepts responsibility for his actions, he also says that it was really things in HER that brought out his bad behavior. He's not going to be like that with YOU. Sure, he said the same things to HER, but this time he'll be different, because he's told you how YOU are different from her. (So what if he's told other people how you remind him of HER? That doesn't mean he's following the same old patterns, targetting the same types of women. That doesn't mean that he'll be turn abusive with YOU at some point...) He's such a sweet, wonderful, helpful guy, it MUST have been something in HER that caused him to act badly, right?

So what if he was busy cutting her down behind her back with their mutual friends while he was telling her she was the "best thing that ever happened to him", and that he had "never loved anyone as much as he loved her"? That doesn't mean he still has the capacity to be manipulative and dishonest and cruel. He was just confused, the poor man. And besides, he won't be like that anymore, with the right woman to love him and dote on him. She just didn't give him the kind of attention he really needed. But YOU will. So he'd NEVER do that to YOU.

So what if it was less than a year after breaking off with his ex before he got together with you? It's not like an abuser should spend a few years in therapy, and work on his stuff before getting involved in another intimate relationship, right? I mean, after over 4 decades abuse and being an abuser, he can get himself fixed up enough to stop harming others in a just few months, with the right woman to rescue, er, "help" him.

And those stories of how his ex-wife emotionally abandoned him... He's just had it so ROUGH all his life! He told you how she didn't even try to keep the marriage together or say that she wanted to try to salvage their relationship when he said he wanted to separate. She was just so unfeeling! The poor man - here he was trying so HARD and all - seeing a counsellor and everything! It couldn't possibly be that SHE was so emotionally beaten down by his behavior that she was RELIEVED when he wanted to leave... He couldn't have been emotionally abusive and dishonest with HER too! If his ex-wife didn't trust him, it had nothing to do with HIM and his behavior - it must have been HER issues.

So what if he USED YOU to break a trust with a woman he was already seeing? It's not like they were actually *partners* or anything! She was just convenient for hurting his ex (he set her up really nicely to do that a couple of times), getting attention, an ego stroke, and occasional sex while he was waiting for the *right* woman to show up. Since you came along, he doesn't need her anymore. He's got YOU to feed his ego. And breaking her trust was a convenient way to ensure that he wouldn't have to bother with her anymore and could focus on YOU. He did it so carefully too. (He knows that it's the series of "gentle" cuts that leave the most stinking wounds.) That way, SHE would be the one saying she didn't want to have anything to do with HIM, and he could blame HER for why they can't still be friends. Isn't he clever? What a creative way to get rid of someone when they are no longer useful!

And if this most recent woman doesn't want to see him anymore or even be friends with him, it must be because she is jealous of the wonderful relationship you and HE have! It must be because he dumped her for you, and she's just not big enough to accept that. It couldn't possibly have anything to do with the WAY he did things or tried to blame HER for his behavior. It couldn't have anything to do with him LYING to her and using her, and having a hidden agenda of expectations that he told her she just wasn't living up to. Nope. That would be his old M.O. playing out again, and he was a changed man by the time he met you. So it couldn't be THAT.

Besides, even if she deeply cared about him, he didn't have the same deep feelings for her, so that makes it ok to have sex with you, before talking to HER about it, right? He was just so TAKEN with you! Doesn't that just make you feel all . . . oh, I don't know - SPECIAL? She just wasn't long term partner material, and he made that clear to her anyway. If she knew he didn't have the same feelings, and was willing to continue to be used by him because she had fallen in love with him, who was HE to turn down that kind of attention and strokes? It's not like he had any responsibility to not take advantage of someone who was emotionally vulnerable or anything. And he broke things off with her eventually. He just didn't tell her about you and the sex stuff right away because he wanted to *protect* her from getting hurt. What a GREAT guy! See, he really did have amazing consideration for HER feelings! Withholding information isn't the same as LYING or anything. That's not dishonest, right? It couldn't possibly be that he was deliberately stringing her along until he was sure YOU were hooked. No. He's too sweet and charming and nice for that. He was just CONFUSED about his feelings, that's all. Besides, it's not like you two had UNPROTECTED sex before he told her about you, so that he could use you (the way he used HER) to break THAT trust as well... Even if he's BROKEN A SACRED TRUST THIS SAME WAY, SEVERAL TIMES BEFORE (with other partners and lovers), he wouldn't be repeating the same old abuse patterns with you.

You're special.

And even if he WAS being dishonest at the start of your relationship, he lied to someone ELSE. It's not like he was dishonest with YOU (that you know of, yet), so that makes it OK, right? (So what if ms-non-partner-material thought the same thing, and excused him, the first time she found out he was dishonest with her? This time, he will be different, because he really LOVES you.)

Of course, he told you how his last sex partner said she didn't think it would last between you two (when he broke it off with her)... but he couldn't be using THAT as a ploy to hook you further (wanting to prove her wrong). So what if he used exactly the same line on each new mark in the past, telling the next one in line that the previous one didn't believe the two of you could last? He wouldn't be using LINES and PLOYS and subtle MANIPULATION on YOU...

Even if in his past, he DID say,

"Some of the problems I bring about by vamping, pumping up the emotional content of a situation. Of course that's easy to do with a new friend. I have a stock of techniques and behaviors, tested. I'm also inventive ... so I pick up new techniques fairly quickly...

It's just I'd rather enjoy the "romance". It comes naturally to me. I enjoy doing it. It's also a head trip for me, with my poor self esteem, to have someone so taken with me. I like the first results, the joyous feelings, the elation, the euphoria, just not where it leads." 

... he couldn't possibly still have been doing that with her, or even YOU. He has REAL, deep feelings for you. You've even seen him cry and show his vulnerable side. That MUST mean he's sincere, right? He couldn't possibly be using YOU for an ego stroke. Not the man YOU know.

He's just so caring and sensitive and considerate. He's so sweet, rubbing cream into your hands and feet at night, sending you little cards, reading to you in the afternoon, doing all those romantic things. He really does seem too good to be true - cooking, cleaning, intelligent, literate, creative, affectionate. So what if he was like that for the first year or so with her too... before the subtle patterns of abuse started to creep in? So what if all that "wonderful" behavior shifted until he was telling her he loved her one day and then telling others how horrible she was behind her back the next? He wouldn't do that to you too, down the road. She must have brought it out in him. He couldn't possibly be playing the same game over and over again, with you as the next target. All those wonderful things he has done - all the romantic things, all the ways he has helped out and called, and done things for you, they couldn't all be just scripts. "Stock Techniques" for hooking. No. This time, he's sincere. This time he'll be different, with you.

So what if he has been incapable of honesty and integrity all his life? So what if he actually admitted to his ex (just about the time you two met): "I am afraid of truth-tellers. I have so many lies in my past and present. The truth burns." That couldn't mean that he was telling lies to YOU. After all, he was so HONEST about his dishonesty so THAT'S got to count for something... It must mean he realizes his mistakes and won't make the same ones again, right? The fact that he acknowledges things is so CONVINCING. If he acknowledges it, then he couldn't possibly STILL do those sorts of things. Sure, sure. He had HER convinced too. But he couldn't possibly be STILL lying to YOU. You're special.

So what if two of the other women he was involved with wound up in the psychiatric ward? So what if he "helped" a vulnerable friend by encouraging her to break her marriage vows, exacerbating her marital problems, and then abandoning her when she asked if he could be there for her? He needed an ego stroke and she was conveniently there and conveniently vulnerable from a death in the family. So what if he undermined his ex's support network and used a mentally ill woman's attraction to him to try and hurt her further? So what if he used and hurt a dying woman so that he could feel needed and in control? He was just being HELPFUL to all those women. Maybe he LIED to them, sometimes, but that was only to PROTECT the fragile little dears. He's SUCH a sensitive guy, you see. He couldn't POSSIBLY have been USING people for ego strokes.

So what if he used and was abusive to his life-partner's children in order to get back at his her? Hurting and using kids is excusable, right? (After all, she must have deserved it. THEY must have deserved it. Right? Because he really DOES love kids... or at least, that's what he has said...) The guy YOU know could never be like that. And... well... even if he WAS, he's obviously changed. He's undergone a miraculous transformation in just one year. He's just shed ALL those abusive patterns and become a NEW man. He's going to be completely different, with you.

Yeah, sure, he might have done those kinds of things in the past, but the past is the past, right? It doesn't have any danger of repeating itself with you. Just because all those other women were "damaged", doesn't mean that he will someday be telling people how damaged YOU are... Not YOU. You're SPECIAL.

His love for you is so strong and your connection to each other is so different (at least, that's what he has told you, and you know you can trust him, right?), he wouldn't EVER do anything deliberately hurtful or malicious to YOU. He wouldn't undermine YOUR support network and use your friends to hurt YOU. He'd never make snide remarks about YOU behind your back and then make sure you found out about it. No no no. SHE must have brought that out in him. But you, you're special.

Besides, he's been in therapy. That must mean he's sincere, right? He wouldn't possibly be using the whole "therapy" thing as a cover-up to make himself look better because his reputation got damaged after the fiasco with his ex. He couldn't possibly be using contrition, and the "I feel so bad about myself"-line to get sympathy and support! He couldn't possibly be looking for a person to hook into that is in a different town so that she has less likelihood of finding out his past. He couldn't possibly be going after women who have a strong sense of personal responsibility because he knows how to manipulate that to try and get them to feel responsible for HIS sick feelings. He couldn't possibly be seeking out active, intelligent, dedicated women, so that he can PUNISH them when they don't direct all that energy to HIM. Just because he has engaged in such manipulative behavior in the past doesn't mean he would be doing that NOW. Not with YOU. You're SPECIAL.

He's so contrite and sincere about "working on his issues", he couldn't possibly be lying about that. Just because he has a history pathological lying to himself and others, doesn't mean he'll be that way with you. Besides, if he has deceived himself so completely that HE doesn't know it's a lie, then he can't be held accountable for it, right? He can always claim that he doesn't have good "memory" for things in the past. But don't worry. He won't use that sort of deception and evasion with YOU. You're special.

The poor guy just made bad choices before (you). Sure he made mistakes, but if most of his ex(s) don't want to have anything to do with him, and some now think he is mentally ill, it must be because THEY are unstable - I mean, look at how amazing and kind and charming he is with you... He couldn't possibly have been like that with them TOO... He wouldn't be using stock romance "lines" on YOU.

This time, it's REALLY love. You're Special.

Sure, he did a *few* things in his past that were unkind, but he needs to be forgiven for HIS behavior, (after all, she drove him to it), but HER mistakes and reactions to his abuse, were unforgivable. But things will be different with you. He won't think YOUR mistakes are unforgivable. He won't apply a double-standard to YOU. He won't expect YOU to be perfect and subtlely criticize you when you don't measure up to his standards. You're the one who is going to change his life. And, of course, you keep your kitchen immaculate, so he'll have no reason to criticize THAT.

And speaking of unforgivable, of COURSE he can't forgive her for doing things that *hurt* him (he's so deeply sensitive, you see) - but he couldn't possibly have lied about the things he said she did. He couldn't possibly have "set up" situations so he could cry foul... He wouldn't have ENCOURAGED her to do things so he could later claim that he was hurt by her... And, well, even if he DID, maybe do that, he certainly won't do it with YOU. You're too special for that. Any time he tells you he's happy for you and he encourages you to do something, he'll REALLY mean it, with YOU. He won't create a revisionist fantasy of your past so that he can insist you did things to hurt him as a justification for his cruelty to you. He won't secretly resent you for not devoting all your time to him. Even if he DID do that with her, he won't do it with you. Especially after he makes all those sacrifices and moves in with you. He won't secretly be dependent on YOU for all his attention. He won't be more demanding of you and your time and resent you when you don't give it all to him. Not THIS time. You're SPECIAL.

He's such a nice guy, he won't "help" you (especially unsolicited) and then have an unstated hidden agenda like he did with all the others. He's going to claim his right to be "selfish" now, because he's been so USED from all the excessive GIVING he did in the past that nobody really appreciated. The poor guy. He's never taken time to be selfish in the past - not even when he was sitting alone in his room, sucking off his hurts, or using other people. That wasn't selfish - that was just "acting out". But he's better now. Don't worry. He won't use his new-found right to be "selfish" against YOU. No. He really is a changed man, with you. With you he will give unconditionally.

It's no WONDER he behaved so badly! Look at how his ex was always hurting him, oppressing him with her refusal to live her life solely for him, expecting him to be honest with his feelings and actions, when he just wasn't ready. And besides, he just can't handle confrontation, you know? And like, she's just so SCARY when she's upset (it's just so unbeCOMing when women display any anger!) that he HAD to act that way. She actually raised her voice at times! Can you imagine? He had this abusive childhood, so nobody else is allowed to have anger except HIM. Because, like, he can't DEAL with it, and he shouldn't be expected to! He couldn't possibly have been projecting HIS issues on her so that someone else could have his anger FOR him, or so that he could get angry with someone other than himself! He couldn't possibly have been DELIBERATELY hitting all her hot buttons to hurt and upset her so he could lay blame. And, well, even if he DID do that for years, he won't do it anymore, with you.

And if somehow you accidentally do things that "trigger" his old abuse patterns, he'll be so sweet in telling you how you are doing things that remind him of her, so that YOU can change YOUR behavior. After all, you wouldn't want him to start acting abusive again because of something YOU did.

And you don't have to worry about that, because you'll never get upset with him, and you'll never challenge him to be honest or to accept responsibility for his actions. SHE did that, and it was "controlling," but it'll be different with you, because you know better. And you won't need to worry about calling him on his behavior anyway, because he'll NEVER lie to YOU. He'll always be completely honest and upfront with you. He won't have to "forget" any promises he made to YOU. If he is inconsiderate, it won't be DELIBERATE, with you. If he lied to her or anyone else, it was because they drove him to it. With you, he won't withhold information, or distort the truth. He won't break fundamental relationship agreements with YOU. He won't HAVE to, because you'll be right there validating him 24/7, supporting him and telling him how he's so CLEVER and BRAVE to have escaped such a horrible relationship, and how wonderful it is that he is working so HARD to overcome his terrible past!

And it's a good thing he's not going to do any of those things he might have done in the past, because then you won't have to worry about forgiving him. You see, she REPEATEDLY forgave him for the lies and the accidentally-on-purpose "mistakes", and all that did was make him feel bad about himself - that she could forgive and he couldn't. Wasn't that AWFUL of her to make him feel so bad that way? So she DESERVED to be punished even more. And she should NEVER have shown any guilt when he manipulated her. It just caused him to hurt her more. He told her it was "like blood in the water for sharks" for him. She should have known better. YOU know better. But then, he won't be manipulative and passive-aggressive with YOU.

He'll be different with you. You're SPECIAL.

And sure he made her work at the relationship when he wasn't really trying, but that wasn't being dishonest - he just didn't know what he really wanted, so that made it OK to put the burden of the relationship responsibility on her. Sure he admitted that he wanted her to make him the first priority in HER life, but he wasn't willing to afford her the same consideration. But that wasn't one of his patterns. He won't do that with YOU. Besides, he admitted his dishonest behavior after they broke up, so that makes it ok. It erases everything. His slate's clean. He even said he was sorry, months later, so that shows how sincere he was. He couldn't possibly still have been interlacing the apology with blame. He's not STILL acting manipulative and projecting issues.... and well, if he is, he's only doing that with HER because of their history - he wouldn't do that with YOU.

And it's so sweet how he still talks about how much he cared for his ex, how much he did for her out of love. Sometimes, he even talks fondly of his treasured memories of her, of how she "helped" him (when she wasn't hurting him, the witch) - that must mean he's a deep, sensitive guy, right? Maybe you can even "help" him to forgive her and heal from his terrible past... Just like SHE thought she could "help" him...

And besides, he did so many NICE things for her and all those other women. That should count for SOMETHING, right? It's not like he was emotionally abusive or manipulative ALL the time. So it kind of cancels things out, right? It's not like he HIT anyone or anything. At least the things he did didn't leave any VISIBLE marks. Besides, he probably just made honest mistakes, that's all. He couldn't have actually got off on seeing them hurt and crying. He wouldn't have LAUGHED condescendingly in someone's face while she was crying. Not the man YOU are involved with. HE certainly doesn't remember doing anything like that - and HIS memory is inviolate.

Even if he HAS been emotionally abusive and dishonest with others, he's going to be different with you. Especially after you two move intogether. It IS especially hard on him having a long-distance relationship. He wouldn't be talking about how hard it is to keep up the intensity and connectedness over such a distance. He wouldn't be implying that the relationship might not last if you don't move in together... He wouldn't have some kind of hidden agenda around that. He wouldn't be trying to subtley manipulate you, and get you worried about losing him, like he did with the others. He just REALLY CARES for you, and really wants the two of you to be together.

He's told you how different he feels with YOU. How different he IS with you. How healing your love is. How much he NEEDS you. What a wonderful person he thinks you are. How important you are in his life. How much he values and appreciates you, and misses you when you are not together. How amazingly transformed he feels now that he has finally met someone as SPECIAL as YOU.

So what if he told her the same things? He really MEANS it this time, with you.

He's a changed person, (this time, for REAL) with you. You're special.

You don't need to talk to any of his ex's to find out what he was REALLY like, because the past is the past, right? You couldn't possibly learn anything from their experiences, because he's not going to be like that anymore. It couldn't possibly be that they have anything valid to say. Besides, you trust him to tell you the WHOLE TRUTH about his past (as far as he can "remember" it), right?

And he's such a sensitive, caring guy, he REALLY does wish he and his ex could be FRIENDS now. Even though he NEVER ONCE called her or emailed her and said, "Listen, I don't want it to end like this. Can we please talk?" (Even when he was still living downstairs. Even when she was in tears, begging him to *please* leave. NEVER ONCE.) SHE is the one to blame for all the bad feelings. It was HER responsibility to rectify things with HIM. And he can't understand why she would have NO desire to have any contact with him, NO desire to have anything to do with him - after all he did for her, after what they had. After all, SHE is the one who did unforgivable things. He's so uncomfortable around her now, because of how much she hurt him. He wouldn't STILL be projecting HIS issues on her, and implying that they are HER issues... After all, he's a changed man.

But you don't have to worry. He won't PUBLICLY divulge YOUR insecurities or deeply intimate things you told him in confidence - he won't betray your trust - like he did with her. No matter what happens between you and him, you'll ALWAYS BE FRIENDS. You and he will always be able to work things out. So what if he said EXACTLY THE SAME THING TO HER (and all the others) too? It'll be different with you. You're special.

He won't wait a year or two before he starts in on YOU. He won't then use his knowledge of YOUR insecurities and emotional hot buttons to deliberately hurt YOU. He won't start using psychological warfare to couch his deliberately hurtful actions in social plausibility with YOU. He won't flirt with your close friends and use any attraction they might have to him, against YOU. NO. He won't tell you that you just weren't meeting his needs or living up to his expectations. He won't expect you to read his mind. He won't try to make it look like YOU are the reason he is unhappy, and YOU are the cause of your relationship problems. He won't set you up to get upset with him so that YOU are the one who breaks it off with him, (or you get so angry with him that he HAS to break it off with YOU) and HE looks like a martyr (AGAIN). So what if he made all the same promises to her? Just because he was following some of his old patterns when he got involved with you, doesn't mean he's going to follow through on the rest of them. He's CHANGED now.

You're special. Just like SHE was when he was with HER. Just like they ALL thought they were.

He's so sensitive and compassionate, he couldn't have talked coldly to them about killing animals or wanting to break someone's legs. No. Not the man YOU know. He's different with YOU.

And when he starts telling you how much he MISSES his adult son, it won't be to deflect, and distract you from being upset with him because he has just said or done something really inconsiderate or unkind. It won't be to evoke sympathy from you and get you thinking what a wonderful, caring parent he is. Just because he lived less than a mile away from his son and hardly ever SAW him doesn't mean that the "missing" monologue is for attention and redirection.

He's so nice right now, so supportive. So what if he was that way with her too at the beginning? He won't revert back to his headgames of praising and encouraging one minute and subtlely criticizing how you keep the house, the way you do things, things you say, in the next. He wouldn't yank YOUR chain like that.

He's so attentive right now, so interested in everything you say and do! He won't turn around one day and tell you he's NOT INTERESTED in the things that interest you, and then accuse you of not paying enough attention to HIM. He won't get mopey and upset because you get more attention than he does at social functions. He won't resent you for your charisma. Just because he did that before doesn't mean he's going to do it again with YOU. As long as you make sure HE is the center of attention, and he's getting his ego stroked, he probably won't get nasty with you... Right? It couldn't be that he is a bottomless pit, and that you can NEVER give him enough attention. Not the man YOU know. Not with YOU. You're special.

And the fact that another woman's experience was so terrible with him, his distortions and multiple personalities so devastating that she felt compelled to warn other people about him and the "type" of abuser he is - well that's no consequence. It must have been *her* that brought it out in him. He's so different now that he's found YOU and your healing love. So what if he said the same kinds of things to her? You are going to ignore those nagging little doubts in the back of your mind, because you want to believe so badly in the sweet, helpful, romantic person he is portraying right now. You don't want to believe there is a dark malicious side to him that enjoys seeing others suffer. You want to believe you are special, and he is right there encouraging you, building you up, telling you how nobody understands him the way YOU do. He's telling you that he just wants to stop feeling BAD about himself (and she made him feel that way, the witch!). He's telling you that if he can't make it work with you, he's afraid he can't make it with ANYONE... It's so tragic... (Yeah, he said that to her too, but so what?)

YOU are the one who can "fix" his wounded ego. Your relationship with him will be So Much Better than his last ones, because you're special! With you, he'll be honest and straight-forward for the first time in his life. He won't become cruel or passive-aggressive. He won't play headgames anymore. He'll stop using and discarding people like old kleenex. He won't be rude or unkind or disrespectful like he was with those other women. HE LOVES YOU SO MUCH, HE'S NOW A CHANGED MAN. (Changed for the better, of course.) Not because of therapy. Not because he's removed himself from relationships and taken some serious time to get his shit together. Not because he REALLY apologized (without interlacing it with blame) to anyone he harmed in the past, or made amends. Not because he's done any REAL work. Not because he's actually admitted to his real motivations, or made a single sincere change.

He just needed to find the RIGHT woman to "save" him from himself and "help" him become a better man, and that's YOU.

You just KNOW he'll be different with you. Right?

If you still think you are Special? Perhaps you should read this chapter from Romeo's Bleeding, by Roger Melton...

(Thank you to Erika Sherwood from "After Narcissitic Abuse" for this share)

Coping Strategies - after having left the narcissist

There are principally three areas of how to deal with the issues once you left a narcissistic relationship. These are co-dependency, safety and post traumatic stress.

Co-Dependency

For various reasons you feel that you depend on the narcissist. One such reason is, that the narcissist has been telling you how useless you are. Another reason is that the narcissist will have done everything possible to make you physically dependent as well (withholding money and your belongings). Additionally, the narcissist will have tried to turn people against you and you feel that you can be validated only through the narcissist. 

Quite clearly, you have to break this co-dependency. This is not an easy thing at all. First of all you have to learn to admit to yourself that the narcissist did all these evil things to you not because (s)he loved you but because (s)he enjoyed seeing you suffering. It made her/him feel great. Her/his one big goal was to break you. Accept that you have been abused by your narcissist. Do no longer except the crazy explanations your narcissist used to give you. The narcissist gave you these explanations to keep you as her/his slave. 

Secondly, see the narcissist for what (s)he really is and allow yourself to feel angry and express this anger. Allow yourself wild fantasies of how you hit back. I used to imagine that I would return to my old home with a sword, cut the narcissist's head off and throw it down the stairs. Do not however, act upon these fantasies. If you want to regain your life, you must never ever cross the line of the law.

Generally, it is best if you keep away from the narcissist. However, there are times when the co-dependency seems so strong that it pulls you towards the narcissist. It actually is not such a bad thing to see your narcissist from time to time shortly after the separation (make sure that the circumstances are safe though - for instance bring a friend along). This will also help you to see for yourself how evil the narcissist is.

The co-dependency gets worse when the narcissist attacks you. For instance you might receive a nasty phone call or letter, and you cannot bear the tension. Hence, you feel pulled towards the narcissist in order to harmonize. Do not give in into such a pull - rather than that take a sleeping pill or drink yourself to sleep. However, be careful about any such self-medication that you do not end up with another dependency. If you are not sure, talk to a friend or your general practitioner. Alcohol is a common drug taken by people suffering from post traumatic stress and it generally does not help the situation but adds another problem to it.

Remember the only happy times you had with the narcissist were when you gave everything, or when you enjoyed something regardless the bad temper of the narcissist. Everything on the side of the narcissist was nothing but a nasty act.

Safety
Safety is most important. You will have to work hard to work on your safety. Do not seek to address your psychological problems too much at this point. Definitely do not make use of regression therapy or psychotherapy, both will only make you even less safe. This is not to say that psychotherapy can be of use once you feel better, but there is evidence that talking too much about your experiences brings back too many unsettled emotions.

You need to work on the three main areas: Secure financial independence, secure a safe home and secure yourself and your personal belongings. Everything else is of secondary importance. The very fact that you will feel safe will contribute to you feeling better all round.

Accept all help you can get but no help from the narcissist.

Post Traumatic Stress
Post traumatic stress can be very severe. The symptoms vary, but if your heart beat is increased, if your startle response is exaggerated, if you feel outbursts of hot/cold sweat, you might have a light form of post traumatic stress. However, if the symptoms include severe nightmares, inability to focus on anything, blind panic and the wish to curl up somewhere, and severe shaking (at one point I found myself unable to hold a cup) you might need to see a doctor. There is medication which can help you. Be always very careful about self-medication. There is a chance that you harm yourself. However, if it helps you to take a sleeping tablet or a drink in order to calm down for some time, this might be safe. Always interrupt such self-medication for a day or two at least, to ensure that you are not falling into some new dependency.

Besides medication there are three main psychological tools. These are deconditioning, interrupting automatic thoughts and forced regression.

Deconditioning

If you respond to the sound of a slammed door with an exaggerated startle response, you can try to decondition yourself. Bang doors yourself. If you are shocked each time a car starts up, start the car yourself until you feel you are in control. This is what we call deconditioning. You have been conditioned to be scared about sounds, situations even smells, now you undo this by deconditioning yourself.

Interrupting automatic thoughts

Each time you feel that an episode of post traumatic stress is coming over you, there will also be automatic thoughts such as "here, I go again", "I am sliding" etc. Interrupt those thoughts and tell yourself: "No, this time I am not going down this road", "My heart beat might be up, but I don't care", "Don't panic it will all pass" etc. However, before you can interrupt these automatic thoughts, you need to learn to listen to them. They are fast and most of the time you are not aware of them. Very often we actually feel bad not because we feel bad as such but because such an automatic thought has been triggered off (e.g. "I am a looser", "Everybody is better off than me", "I'll never cope" etc).

Forced regression

When we feel overpowered by a problem, we tend to regress to an earlier developmental stage. For instance when you break down, you curl up and cry like a baby in the embryo position. You can see this really well when you watch children. If a 7 year old is distressed (s)he falls back into the baby stage. Regressing means to return to a place where you felt safe. Now, in order to fight the effects of post traumatic stress, you can try and force yourself to go back to stages where you felt safe. If such a stage is coloring in pictures, do this. If it is playing with a toy train, do it. Listen to music which made you feel good. Go where you felt good. Do anything you remember that was good. Whatever you remember what made you feel safe in the past, just do it. This is what I call forced regression.
(Dr. Ludger Hofmann-Engl ~ www.chameleongroup.org.uk/npd/coping.html)

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